The One the Darkness Got

So I went to a funeral last week for a guy I hadn’t met.

Which isn’t important, that I didn’t know him. I decided a long time ago that funerals are important. I don’t just randomly show up to to funerals, but if there is one happening and I have some degree of connection with them, I will go. That is what I decided I would do in this case.

Working through the Matrix, or, Struggles and Humility

It's odd, sometimes, to see the ways that life may form apparent coincidences. At times, I want to be like Morpheus from The Matrix and assert that there is no such thing as coincidence, only providence. And me being me, I might say only Divine Providence.

But I don't know that I can do that right now. It might be too audacious of me. But at the same time, I do sense a prompt based on this past Sunday's gospel reading and some of the commentary I've heard about it. I feel like those things are prompting me to take a look at where I am now and where I've been over the past five-ish years.

Bonsai! or, Seeking the Good, the True, and the Beautiful

Okay, so: storytime. But at the risk of killing the story, let me give you some background.

What I have discovered while training with the Army is that structures that the Army builds are uses are very functional, but seldom are pretty. In fact, there are very few beautiful things when one is training with the Army. Things tend towards function and uniformity, which makes sense, because it's the Army and that's kinda what we do most of the time. When you go downrange and into the trees, maybe you could look toward the foliage for something beautiful, but more than likely you will be counseled to smell the roses later, if any drill sergeant finds out what you are doing.

However, during training last summer, there was one jarringly beautiful thing that I remember. At Fort Leonard Wood, in the Central Iowa Chapel, there were huge stained glass windows in the worship space. I wish that I could find pictures of that stained glass, because it made me stop and catch my breath after all the camouflage and foliage that I had been looking at...

Here's where the story starts:

I don’t remember how far into training I was that I finally wrote to my wife and told her that we were going to go look at beautiful things when I got home. But I did write that and we did go find beautiful things when I was done. We went to the Como Conservatory in St. Paul. Took plenty of time in the greenhouse, and the zen garden, we walked through the Como Zoo that day, too. But what especially held my attention that day was looking at the bonsai trees.

Trust, or, Can We Be Honest for a Moment?

A note to you, dear readers: this started as something I was writing in my notebook when I was frustrated. It turned into... something else. I hope that you find it compelling. There are a lot fewer bells and whistles and pictures and hyperlinks than my usual blog posts.

So here's my dysfunction: I expect that, when people tell me something, especially people that I trust, I expect that what they tell me is objectively true. That doesn't mean that they really want what they say to be true, but rather that it is, beyond a doubt, true. Because why should you have confidence in something that could be false?

And this person that I trust, if they have any doubts in what they're saying, I would hope that they would be upfront about those doubts. Because if I trust you, it is in part because I know that you can be honest. Being honest about something, even if you know that I won't like what you have to say, does not compromise my trust in you. In fact, since we are being honest, I know that I can trust you more.

I am of the opinion that we can talk all day about what we want to be true, or the way we think things ought to be in the world. Let's talk all day, you and me, friend, and let's solve the world's problems. But when it comes down to what we actually do, I want your honesty. And your compulsion for action. Let's yolk ourselves together, friend, because that's what friends do.

Why Wood Badge Was My Latest Watershed

Those of you, dear readers, who have read most of my blog posts know that I haven't posted much of anything for the past year or so. Part of that was that the fire for lectionary analysis had died down to embers (becoming something I mostly kept to myself), and the fact that I didn't feel that I had much to share, now that I was not in the diaconal formation program anymore.

As such, I didn't share on the blog that I had joined up with a Boy Scout troop in September. I joined as an adult leader, thinking that I would be able to be a mentor, or that I would be able to contribute somehow to the lives and formation of these young men.

I suppose that I have, but more than anything, I have been taken with what Scouts has opened up for me, now that I'm back in as an adult.

Be a Lover, Not a Hater

This isn't my image. It's the cover photo from
Rev. Simmons' blog post

I've long wanted to write a piece describing why I think the phrase "hate the sin, love the sinner," is not as loving of a response as people want it to be. But lo and behold, I have been beaten to the punch. After the mass shooting perpetrated at the nightclub in Orlando last week, the Rev. David Simmons wrote a great piece that connected that tragedy with how we, as Christians, cannot keep using that phrase as justification to denounce someone's "lifestyle choices" while continuing to "love at" a particular group of people.

That being said, please read his post. But nevertheless, I have a few things that I want to say, too...

Leaping Out in Faith, Or, I've Been Climbing So Much Lately

I admit it, Amanda and I have totally drank the Kool-aid in regard to rock climbing.

I'm sure that many of you have seen the photos we've been posting on Facebook and some of you have even come climbing with us (we have an open invitation to anyone who wants to come climb... we still have guest passes at the Y and we can probably finagle something with our REI membership if you want to come along for that).

I've been saying that I like climbing so much because it's like a giant puzzle that I can only solve by moving my body through it... it engages me on so many levels. I need to use my critical thinking to see the steps of the puzzle, I need to engage my physicality to actually climb the wall, and I'm also engaged as a part of community; if you want to climb with a top rope or a lead, you need to have someone belaying for you at the bottom. Which also means that every so often you, yourself need to belay for someone else. In this way, everyone gets support from others.

Well, I mean, you also get support from your community because climbers celebrate anytime someone tops out on the wall or solves a particularly hard problem. But this post is about the line that supports us, that binds, that keeps us from going splat on the floor. It's a faithful line that we walk, er, hang on... And there's a particular knot that holds the whole thing together.

The picture to the right is a bracelet that I learned how tie with knots that are used in climbing (I know, chugging the Kool-aid, I know). That top knot is known as a double fisherman's knot or a double overhand knot. It really just ties the tail of your line onto itself so it doesn't get caught on anything. The bottom knot is a double figure-8. It creates a loop so that you can actually tie your harness onto the line (when it includes a follow-through with the tail end). Some climbers have been known to use a bowline on a bight, but the double figure-8 is the more universal knot, both in popularity and versatility. There is also something that approaches mysticism around that double figure-8.

Bending and Breathing the Way St. Ignatius Did

This is neither at the YMCA, nor is it yoga... but I'm really
getting into climbing

This summer my wife, Amanda, and I have been trying new things together in terms of fitness and well-being. We've been going to the YMCA more often, taking yoga-based classes together as well as making use of the climbing wall more often. I think I've done more climbing in my life than Amanda has, but she's done more yoga in her life than I have, so I think we've successfully avoided any conditions by which we would be competing with each other (well, that's not entirely true, but I hope you understand what I mean... we're able to avoid taking any grudges home with us).

At the same time, I have been going through the Ignatian examen less and less. That's a confession, not an update that I'm happy to offer. But, that being said, the guys over at Pray As You Go are really awesome with their social media presence and it was through their Twitter feed that I found out they're doing this #31dayswithIgnatius in preparation for St. Ignatius' feast day on the 31st of July. So I went and checked out this page they've set up that gives you the rundown on the examen prayer.

I think it had been a suggestion put out by Pray As You Go via their Twitter account, but for whatever reason I listened to the audio file they've posted as an introduction to the examen (I would recommend it to you, too, if you're at all curious about the prayer... it's on the same page that I linked to just above). What I took away is that the Jesuits at Pray As You Go have framed the examen as a method of praying through the events of your day, not just simply reflecting on them. This phrasing may be obvious to some of you, dear readers, but it's an important emphasis for me, with everything that's been going on in my life lately.

For me, lately, reflecting on anything life-related in spiritual terms has been difficult and uncomfortable. I feel like my spiritual life is going in a direction that I did not want it to go and that I'm prevented from taking it in the way that I thought I was being called to take it (if you need context for this remark, read this post I made a couple weeks ago). So a method of prayer and review that actively invites God to show me divine movement in my life... I've been shying away from the examen because it is difficult for me and causes more discomfort. But lately, I've realized that this sensation is analogous to the way I feel doing yoga.

Coming Back from the North Shore

I usually try to post something every weekend but this past weekend, I did not. I didn't post anything because I was off camping with my wife and some of our friends.

I snapped this one of my friends at Temperance River
State Park and posted it here.

Now that I'm back, I have this sense of longing and I feel like I'm always forgetting something. I think that this sense of emptiness, if I gave into it, could cause me to go back out into the wilderness, thinking that everything is easier there. And I think it is... things seem to make more sense, there is less to worry about. People even seem more honest when you're out hiking through state parks.

And then there's the scenery. We were up on the North Shore of Lake Superior and the vistas were incredible. They were moving. And I know I might be painting a "grass is greener" type of picture, but I have genuinely felt sad here at home now because the potted plants and the mowed lawn outside my sliding glass door don't really inspire the same sense of awe and majesty that I felt gazing at the landscape on the North Shore.

So let's see if I can describe to you what I felt and see what shape it takes...

Still Looking for Direction, or, Death and Resurrection is Tough

This makes me think of the proverb "Still waters run deep."
Picture from PublicDomainPictures.net

Do you know that deep sense of calm and groundedness that comes with a sense of purpose? Yeah, I have not felt that for a few months now.

Before I get too far into this post, let me say that this is not me describing a crisis of faith. Faith in the God the Creator, Redeemer, and Sustainer is alive and well in my life, if somewhat obscured by events. I’m also not trying to be barbarous to any person or organization that I have interacted with lately; if anything in this post seems barbarous, I apologize ahead of time. The intended purpose for anything on this blog is to articulate some of the stuff going through my head. I know that this post may seem angsty and petulant, maybe even have a “poor me” sense to it, but that’s not what I’m going for. Like I said; just working out my thoughts about purpose and the uncertainty therein.

Is America So Beautiful? Or, I Didn't Expect to Write a Fourth of July Post

Yesterday was the Fourth of July; Independence Day in the United States of America. Of course, this day means lots of different things to different people (and some people who have no idea what it means). For me, when I began reading through some of the more erudite parts of the Book of Common Prayer, I found out that Independence Day is actually a feast day in the Episcopal Church (listed under "Other major feasts"). So really, we should be having church services on the Fourth of July, even though most of the churchy people that I know are really uncomfortable with bringing in any kind of semi-patriotism into church.

But regardless of any of that, I sang "America, the Beautiful" at church today. All the verses, not just the first one or the last one. I think those ones are sang most often because they are thought to be the most poetic. They are certainly the most platitudinous.

If you've not sang or listened to all the verses lately, here's your chance:

And if you're one who thinks that takes too long, you can read them here

So if you're paying attention, you'll notice that the end of second and the third verse include conditions. This isn't just a song of praise, it's also got some expectations in it:

America! God mend thine ev’ry flaw,
Confirm thy soul in self-control,
Thy liberty in law!

O beautiful for heroes proved In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved,
And mercy more than life!
America! America! May God thy gold refine
Till all success be nobleness,
And ev’ry gain divine! 

This morning, as I was singing this, I was realizing that it's not just a Hoo-rah! Murica's the Greatest! song. This one is specifically asking for action on the part of God and on the part of the people present. As I was singing this song, I realized that the prayer it contains is going unfulfilled. 

Our national gains are not divine. Far from it, I think that many of the "gains" are for the privileged and taken from the downtrodden. I'm thinking in economic terms here. Wealth is often collected in the hands of the wealthy, not used for the good of all.

How many "successes" can we say are actually noble? On Independence Day weekend, I'm thinking about the red, white, and blue decisions that come down from Capitol Hill. I don't think there's a whole lot of nobleness there. Heck, I think that the successes we've seen lately have come from the streets. They're hard-won but I'm still not sure I would call them noble.

Self-control is popularly thought to the opposite of liberty and freedom. This always makes me laugh out loud, since I would cry if I didn't. More often than not, I encounter Americans who have an attitude of "In Murica, I'm free to do whatever the f*** I want." But that's not what was intended when our founders started talking about whether we really were interested in protecting Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness. 

So that's my soapbox and you can stop reading here if you want. But I know that some of you, dear readers, come to read my blog because I've usually got the "Church, for the rest of us" attitude. And of course, that's true again today. 

I Need #Resurrection, the Likes O' Which Ain't Never Been Seen Before

Oh wait, yes it has. About one thousand nine hundred eighty five years ago in Jerusalem... what.

Any rate, I feel like I've been watching a lot of movies/TV since school let out the first week of June. I feel like I was working pretty hard at the end of the school year, what with my part-time teaching responsibilities plus covering for my part-time colleague. So I have felt that kicking back and taking in some of the entertainment I missed over the past few months is fine. Most of my viewing pleasure has been on Netflix; my wife and I have been getting our money's worth there watching 30 Rock. That's been fun.

I've also been using the Netflix to watch episodes of Arrow. Because superheroes.

Speaking of which, I found out that the AMC down the street has $5 weekday matinee tickets. I took advantage of that last week to watch Avengers: Age of Ultron. I don't really think there's any redeeming value there; it's just fun superhero adventure. I mean, if you really wanted to find literary merit there, you could talk about Tony Stark's hubris and the way that Marvel always portrays its heroes as very human, with many flaws and foibles.

I also took advantage of the $5 tickets to see Mad Max: Fury Road. I was really digging that one. It totally lived up to the hype, which for me included the feminist themes. I saw in that one a conflict over the possession or freedom of innocents. But I think some may disagree with me there because of the ultra-violence that Mad Max has always featured. I'd love to discuss that one if anyone is interested... (just contact me and let me know).

Now, the problem with all of these is that there's not a whole lot of redeeming content in them. I mean, I wouldn't go so far to say that any of them are trashy entertainment. But I definitely don't think there's a lot of really spiritually edifying ideas, either. Which is part of why I wrote my last blog post. And how I decided to watch a movie that my wife shared with me when we first started dating: Bella.

By the way, the blog I borrow this poster
from has a decent discussion guide that
connects this movie to scripture

Tom's Got a Short Post About Movies... What?!?

Hi everyone! This blog requires audience participation, so please be prepared!

Some of you, dear readers, who read my blog regularly know that I have done a couple of movie reviews and I've also incorporated a few movies into posts, just based on context. Well, one of the things that I've been thinking about is live tweeting and then reviewing movies that I like.

Well, not just random movies that I like, but rather movies that have themes of resurrection in them. It's one of those things that I'm trying to do this year; by being cognizant of the tone of my blog I want to lift up stories of resurrection. Lifting up stories of resurrection rather than just ranting or bemoaning seems like a much more sustainable way of writing.

But at any rate, I want some input. I'm going to provide you with a list of the movies I'm already planning on watching and then I want you to let me know which ones I should add to my list. I'll be watching and reviewing them in no particular order and I can't guarantee that I'll get through all of them this summer (little do you realize that, as a teacher on summer break, my time is not completely open to loafing about). Nonetheless, I want some input.

Are We in the Eye of the Storm? Or, Jesus Is Sleeping in the Boat Again

This is the stained glass behind the altar at Sacred Heart
Catholic Church in Wahkon, MN, where I will sometimes
attend Mass when my wife and I are visiting her parents.

I couldn't help but think of these panels as I listened to this
week's gospel story from Mark.

The Gospel reading for this past Sunday was the story of Jesus calming the storm. Or, if you prefer, it's the story where Jesus is asleep in the back of the boat while his disciples tried to keep the boat afloat. Either way, when Jesus wakes up, he tells the storm "Peace! Be still!" and the sea becomes calm.

He then does that thing where he asks the disciples why they were afraid and he asks whether they have no faith. I can just see that image, where Jesus is kinda shaking his head in a very exasperated sort of way (yes, I imagine that Jesus grew impatient with his disciples sometimes).

While I was growing up, more often than not, this story was taught with a cute little moral at the end like this: "And that, children, is why you should never be a afraid of a storm in your life; whether it's something at school or a misunderstanding between friends or even a real storm. Never be afraid because Jesus is with us always." BLEH.

However, this weekend, I was listening to a priest who pointed out that very often, we feel like we're in the middle of the storm. He paused and pointed out that almost every commentary on this Gospel story says that the boat the disciples are traveling in is an image representing the Church. This priest then pointed out that sometimes we, as a Church, might find ourselves in moment of calm. It's like suddenly, all the criticism and controversy around us in the popular media subsides for just little bit, but it's not the case that we're out of the storm. It's that we're in the eye of the storm.

What that means is that this story of Jesus is not important because we can look back on the storms in our life, but it is important when we recognize we are right in the middle of a storm.

What If Aronofsky Had Taught Noah In My Sunday School Class?

Today I'm writing about Darren Aronofsky's film, Noah.

For production info and cast list, check out
the movie's IMDb page

Yes, it came out last year. So I'm late to the game (I only recently watched it on Netflix).  But maybe I made up for that by live-tweeting when I watched it?

Yes, it was hotly contested because many Christians of a more biblically-literal persuasion tried to boycott the movie because it was itself not accurate to the Bible (and I will point out a few of those inconsistencies with a rant). But that really only made me want to watch it more.

Yes, I am going to give you all the spoilers along with my commentary. But now I've warned you so you can decide for yourself whether or not you want to wade into these waters (that pun was not intended).

When it comes right down to it,  I thought that the movie was visually stunning and completely captivating, even if it was Biblically inaccurate. But it was also innovative. I've grown tired of all the kid-friendly, feel-good representations of this story; the watery account of divine genocide (yes, yes, that's right... you did just witness me firing shots at my deity).

But enough with the intro. We'll get started, shan't we?

The Lord is Risen! Or, What Is This Madness? This Is An Empty Tomb!

My wife, Amanda, took this picture
as we kept vigil last night.

I'm a Vigil-goer, so as I write now on Easter morning, I have done my waiting and said my prayers by candlelight. I have renewed the vows of my baptism and I have heard the story of the empty tomb, where Jesus could not be found. But then, of course, I did find him in the Eucharist. After the strange, awkward day of Good Friday, the day we could not make Eucharist, the day that we had to share the leftovers from the Last Supper on Thursday (I'm only now realizing the irony in that), Jesus could not be found among the dead because he was among the living!

In the past few years, the idea that has fascinated me about the Easter story is that the women found an empty tomb on Sunday morning. Which means that, if they were being diligent and went to the tomb at first light, Jesus must have risen sometime during the night. While everything was still shrouded in darkness and there was no clarity, Jesus rose and made his way out. Today, especially, I feel connected to story because I woke up early and could not get back to sleep (I must have too much joy this morning!). So I want to take a closer look and walk with those women on their way to the tomb...

Resurrection Stories from "Les Misérables," or, I'm Starting the Year with a Movie Review

So now that I've finished my first post of the year and announced that I'm reinvigorating the tone of my blog, it is time for something completely different: I'm going back to movie reviews!

Yes, yes, I'm going to review Les Misérables, even though it's nothing of a new premier. My wife and I sat down and re-watched it recently. I've always liked the 2012 movie (as well as the 10th and 25th Anniversary concerts), but the more I stay with the story and experience it, the more I realize it's got a lot to say about human suffering and redemption. It may be no surprise to some of you, dear readers; you may be way ahead of me on this one. But for me, it's the title itself; sometimes it's translated from French as The Miserable Ones, and sometimes it's published as The Victims or The Dispossessed, so these ideas of human suffering may be no surprise. But nonetheless, I want to write about the theme of redemption in the story because the process of discovery has been so profound for me.

What Is the Gospel News? or, Stuff I Will Be Blogging About in 2015

Here is my first post for 2015! That's very exciting, just simply out of a child-like glee for new and shiny things. However, this post is not going to be my "5 predictions for the Church in 2015," or "Here, before all my dearest readers, I resolve to do thusly..." The only thing that I'm going to resolve to do in 2015 is try to consistently write a "5," rather than a "4" in the year.

Although, that being said, I do want my first blog post for 2015 to set and reset the tone of my blog for the year. You all know, dear readers, that my blog is pretty churchy. I am guilty of these charges. And while I would not say that I am preparing to make a major tone shift, I think that there are repercussions that I want to embrace. What I'm talking about is being conscious and focussed on the gospel news in regard to what's on this blog.