Wednesday, April 17, 2013

My report card

My best guess on this piece is that I wrote it sometime in early 2005. I can't remember what was happening when I wrote it, but I remember writing it. I'm not holding it up as a paragon of poetic work, but I am offering it as a gesture of vulnerability. Anyone can obviously see the emotion in it and I'm hoping that most people can sympathize, seeing something in their past that connects to what this piece is trying to articulate.

I work so hard
to be called “holy”
but put to sermons’ standards,
I don’t really add up

I feel bad
I feel insufficient
I wish I could see
God’s report card for me

do I get an ‘A’
in Piety?

and am I earning enough
extra credit in Stewardship?

I wonder if I am creative enough
in Bible Study views

oh, how I wish I could see God’s comments
in that box at the bottom of the page
so that I can truly see
what percentile I match

my trouble lies
in where to find this card
where do I look
in God’s wide creation?

do I look to the stars
or down at my hands?
do I look high and low
or wait for the mail?

perhaps the best I can do
is buy me a copy of the Good Book
open it up
and find where I fit

cause doesn’t it say
God loves me so?

doesn’t it say
that I just need believe?

after all this
God’s message, I think
is not directed toward my doubting
but more to my faithing

the Lord leads me blindly
but of course the Creator knows
which heading to follow
to keep from sticking to the muck

by that celestial sea
the Lord is my shepherd
and if God leads me by still waters
then I’d best go swimming